ISO Senior Male, Black or Mixed
Preferably a homebody, though a roaming past is appealing and makes for good stories to swap. Must enjoy both affection and autonomy; can sleep comfortably alone but likes to show up in the morning to cuddle. Open to sharing my time and attention with others while claiming his rightful domain. No extreme special needs that can’t be managed with good nutrition, exercise, rest and relaxation. Excellent communicator.
Sadly for me and other White women of my generation who once enjoyed abundant attention from Black men, though sometimes in secret, our stock has fallen precipitously. Not surprising. And not that I wouldn’t date a White man(though I tend to assume most of them in my generation are racist) but you can’t erase the hard-wiring of your formative years and for me that meant men of color were preeminent.
So I’m turning my attention away from Match-dot-com towards the Humane Rescue Alliance. Back in the day, before gentrification took over, you’d find any number of handsome strays wandering the streets, easy enough to scoop up and take home. Now you’ve got to go online and search! My friend Anne and I found a beautiful champagne colored long-haired male lost around Eastern Market and named him Groucho. I found a black male cat around 6 months old on East Capitol Street, brought him home and christened him Busy, which he was. In addition to the cats who became family members, there were always a few visitors to the back porch who couldn’t be tamed but came around for food and some gingerly proffered affection; two of the most memorable we called Big Kitty and Little Big Kitty, both Tuxedo males with the fat jowls of the undomesticated.
As for the search for a human male companion, I continue to encourage others to persevere in whatever dating app or site they choose, but let’s be real — the odds in your 60’s and 70’s are pitifully low, unless you’re willing to relocate, love to ski, scuba dive, hike, cycle, drink, quit your job and travel. My problem is I love my home, love my work, never learned to ride a bike or swim (though I love the beach or any body of water) and what I’ve really been looking for is someone I could attach to a small portion of my life, leaving the rest intact. Which undoubtedly explains why I could tolerate seeing a man who was married for nearly 10 years. So finding another cat will be way easier.
Soon after I had my Sheba euthanized in May, I began to peruse cat adoption sites. I was still grieving her loss — and still am, as well as questioning whether I made the decision too soon, but the silence of my apartment with no feline presence just didn’t feel like home to me. It wasn’t long before I found a beautiful tiger female now named Goldie who was living in a foster home in Southwest DC. They said she was 10, but then the paperwork from her former family stated they’d had her for 13 years. Oh well; kind of like a match profile where the suitor fudges their age a bit; but no matter, Goldie has become my close companion. I just wonder if she might be happier with a boyfriend.
Of course since I’m working from home, seeing clients on Zoom, Goldie is rarely left alone for long hours. Perhaps I’m projecting my own longing onto her contented solo life. I’ve never been willing to give up much or radically change the life I’ve built for myself post-divorce; what makes me think this older feline is pining for a partner? Maybe we’ll both be happiest just as we are, missing what might have been but not enough to tip the scales.
